In the land of make-believe, where the sugar plumb fairy sells magic beans to passing giants, Arsenal’s hierarchy are renting properties, they have cash flow problem you see.
The glass empire of Stan Kroenke is full of tall stories and fairytale like incompetence and at this moment in time. No one is really sure, if there is a ‘happily ever after’ ending.
It all started, like any other transfer window, when Emperor Stan. summoned his personal flak taker to his office full of opulent baubles and crammed with self-indulgence.
There he informed Elf Emery, that there was no money but that he was to act like there was.
Emery was an honest, well-meaning Elf, a hard worker and someone not used to practicing the art of lies and by the time he went to face the press urchins, he had forgotten which was the truth and which was a lie.
Elf Emery mistakenly told the truth. when a lie would have been much easier to swallow.
The assembled press urchins thought they misheard, because Emperor Stan had already spent $4 billion for an inferior palace and on an inferior sport, in a land far, far away.
Elf Emery, went in search of new friends for his Arsenal workshop, in every kingdom but wherever he went, he was treated unkindly and met with scorn and disbelief, because he claimed that his emperor didn’t have a pot to piss in.
The Scousers and the Mancunian’s mocked the Spaniard worse than the character of Manuel in Faulty Towers, as he tried to exchange promises and second-hand beans, for people that dont tend to get out of bed for less than the cost of a semi-detached house.
Dejected, he went back to Emperor Stan empty handed, with heavy feeling in his maracas and bad news to impart.
Stan, refused to scold him for his inability to peddle lies and said that perhaps it would take time “ it’s taken me several seasons!”
The Emperor shrugged his shoulders and hired a private jet to take him to his new Empire, where he would continue to live a life of opulence and where he was revered for being a greedy tosser who made lots of money for himself.
It’s not the end, because a white knight called ‘Adidas’ will eventually give Elf Emery a bag of riches to buy new friends in the summer, whilst Emperor Stan continues to run his club like a second-hand car lot and with the enthusiasm of a nun at a strip club.
Stranger than fiction and more akin to fact, in the land of make-believe, you could hardly make it up.